Directly Brought To You By Mike Pence

Seldom have we had a Secretary of Education more qualified to hold the position than Betsy DeVos. Just a few of the items on her most astonishing resumé that command the respect of parents and everyone in the education community:

  • She is a billionaire.
  • She is a billionaire.
  • She is a billionaire.
  • She is a billionaire.
  • She is a billionaire.
  • Oh, and did I mention, she is a billionaire?!
  • She went to public schools her entire life.
  • She is compassionate in her boundless understanding of the needs of children with special needs.
  • She has deep experience with educational accountability and the most salient issues facing education across the nation.
  • She is fully appraised of educational assessment.
  • She fully embraces diversity, including the LGBT community.
  • She vigorously opposes torturing gay children until they profess to being straight.
  • She believes that the public school, unlike the church, should the center of the community.
  • She expresses contempt for the efforts of a small faction who try to impose their own personal religious beliefs on others.
  • She is utterly against using tax-payer money to pay for children to go to private schools.
  • She stands firmly, even unyieldingly against giving her most affluent friends and their corporations tax-payer money designated for the education of our children because these for-profit corporations have no proven record for improving the educational outcomes of the children whose money they put in their for-profit accounts.
  • She has a core belief that the educational achievement of children is far more important than making her friends who have invested in for-profit educational management companies rich.
  • She believes children matter more than profit margins.
  • She wants to replicate the extraordinary educational success she had in providing quality educational choices for students in Michigan.
  • She is against creating a theocracy in which children are indoctrinated in her schools to live by her personal moral code, ushering in God’s Kingdom on earth.
Monopoly Man, Creative Commons 4, by Alec Monopoly, adapted by Tim Tyson
Monopoly Man, Creative Commons 4, by Alec Monopoly, adapted by Tim Tyson

In truth, never before has the nation had a president’s appointment come so close to not being appointed, and for very good reasons, especially when considering the president’s party has a majority position in the Senate! Thank goodness for Mike Pence, Betsy’s friend, who, along with her brother, just happens to also be one of Mike’s generous donors. Mike had to break the tie during the confirmation senate vote.

Let us never forget: Mike Pence brought us Betsy DeVos. Mike Pence is realizing his dream of the United States becoming a theocracy because the only thing in the list above that is true is that Betsy bought this position for which she is utterly incompetent.

Never forget this date: February 7, 2017. This is the day America’s public schools died. Cause of death: privatization. Manner of death: Greed.

The true welfare queens, the corporate billionaires, will now cozy up to the federal tax payer’s hard-earned tax dollars reserved for the nation’s children and gorge themselves until no more money is available to them.

Never forget: Mike Pence—Christian first and foremost!

He deliberately and knowingly stole from the children.

His vote brought us the death of public education in the United States!

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Tim was born at the end of the post-world war baby boom, was a child of the ’60’s, a teenager during the Vietnam War, and a young man when economics reportedly began to trickle down. Now, six decades under the expanding belt, he lives in a post-truth world: science and truth are just a passé inconvenience studied in last-century university. He reaches for his smartphone in a dumbworld to take a stupidselfie. [Fake camera sound] Oh! Well, that will never do! What’s that app that removes wrinkles and blemishes? Never mind. He doesn’t have to remember. He just asks Siri… He’s a post-truther now! I’m just saying: he’s got questions. Real questions. And someone really needs to look into this, really look into this… That’s all I’m saying.
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